Have you ever heard the phrase ‘time heals all wounds’? You may be wondering why your trauma, from years back or childhood, is still impacting you. You can tell its still there because it makes you feel unsafe in relationships, you think about it frequently, you get triggered, have nightmares or battle critical self-talk related to it. You may even feel frustrated thinking ‘why can’t I just move on from this!’ or ‘it wasn’t that bad, why can’t I just forget it?’.
In our society, trauma is misunderstood and often downplayed. This can lead to people feeling deficient or that something is wrong with them if they still feel trauma’s impacts. I am going to explain my theory of why trauma still impacts a person, even if it happened years ago, and how I approach this in psychotherapy.
If you’re in Ontario, Canada, and find yourself still struggling with unresolved trauma, please know you’re not alone—there is support available and healing is possible.
Types of Trauma
You may have read about ‘little t’ and ‘big t’ trauma categories. This explanation of trauma states there are big forms of trauma a person can experience, such as war, natural disasters or physical and sexual abuse, and smaller forms of trauma. Little t traumas are experiences such as emotional abuse, neglect, breakups and other events considered to be less serious. While these categories were initially created to help measure how trauma can impact a person, they don’t take into account how the individual actually experienced the trauma.
I see trauma as any event where a person felt unsafe and/or frightened and felt they didn’t have enough resources to cope. There is no big t or little t in how I see trauma. I validate that trauma can be any experience such as: being bullied in high school, having your parents separate or divorce, being forced to attend social settings with severe anxiety while being told to ‘get over it’, a death of a pet, a break up and so on. If you felt unsafe and/or frightened, felt you did not have enough resources to cope and this event still impacts you today, we can validate your experience as being traumatic to you.
Factors that Shape how Trauma Impacts Us
How we experience the trauma will determine how it affects us and if it will continue to affect us for years to come. Factors within us (such as our feelings, thoughts and emotional development at the time of trauma ) and factors outside of us (such as receiving support from others, society’s view on the event and professional support options at the time of trauma) both impact how we experience, understand, respond and recover from the traumatic event.
For example, when I talk about traumatic events with a client, I ask:
- Did you have support from family or friends when the trauma occurred?
- Was your experience of the trauma validated and taken seriously?
- Did you feel safe and supported when you talked about it with others?
- Did you receive any support afterwards to help your body and mind feel safe, get you out of fight-flight-freeze mode?
- If you were a child, did you have trustworthy adults or mentors to help you understand what happened?
- Did you receive help to process your feelings and fears?
- Did anyone tell you they would keep you safe ongoing/have them to lean on for support?
- Did anyone check-in to ensure your self-esteem, how you felt about yourself, friendships and so on were not impacted by the trauma both at the time of the trauma and as you grew older?
- Were you old enough to understand what happened? If you were younger, did anyone explain it to you in a way that you understood so you felt heard, supported and safe?
If the answers are ‘no’ to any or all of these questions, this is likely why the impacts of trauma are still occurring. What makes trauma stay unresolved, unprocessed and unhealed is when we did not receive the support needed to feel heard, validated and safe.
Healing Trauma in Therapy
I want you to know that healing from trauma is possible! How you achieve this will be tailored to your needs. Some individuals want to talk about their traumatic events to finally feel heard and validated. Others do not want to recount the events but identify learning coping strategies to manage trauma symptoms is their priority.
In my work, I find it transformative when we focus on the needs and supports you never received. For example:
- If trauma made you disconnect from yourself, not trust yourself or not trust others, we focus therapy on helping you feel safe in your mind and body and build confidence in learning how to trust yourself and assess trustworthiness in others
- If you were not allowed to talk about the trauma growing up and you had to cope by stuffing down feelings, therapy will focus on how to identify, feel and express feelings in a way that feels safe and comfortable for you
- If you feel stunted by your trauma and were not able to reach certain developmental milestones like setting boundaries and learning your needs, that will be our focus in therapy
- If trauma led to you developing people-pleasing tendencies to reduce further abuse, therapy will help you stop that pattern so you can feel confident and safe when setting boundaries with others
Trauma makes us feel unsafe, disconnected from ourselves, not trust the world and fear more bad things will happen. Trauma can keep us afraid. In our work together, we will focus on feeling safe again, learn how to reconnect with ourselves, start believing in ourselves and be hopeful we can heal and have a good life. Time only heals all wounds when we actively work on these things. Trauma can get stuck in our mind and body until we find a safe and supportive way to process it.
If you are located in Ontario, Canada, and are curious about how I can support you with trauma healing, I encourage you to book a free consultation with me. Healing trauma is possible!
Resources
- BC Provincial Mental Health and Substance Use Planning Council (2013). Trauma informed practice guide. British Columbia, Canada.
- Morin, A. (Retrieved March 15, 2025).Social and emotional skills at difference ages. https://www.understood.org/en/articles/social-and-emotional-skills-what-to-expect-at-different-ages
- Newport Institute (2025). https://www.newportinstitute.com/resources/mental-health/big-t-little-t-trauma/
Frequently asked questions about trauma therapy
No. Trauma therapy is not about forcing you to revisit painful experiences or share trauma details. You can work through the effects of trauma and abuse without having to share every detail of what happened. Together, we can focus on processing past experiences if that feels right for you, or on how trauma continues to affect your life today, such as negative self-talk, anxiety, difficulty setting boundaries, or struggles with self-worth and relationships. You get to decide what feels comfortable and what you want to work on in therapy. In our sessions, we'll work at a pace that feels safe and comfortable for you.
Maybe you've spent years telling yourself that what happened to you wasn't that bad, that others had it worse, or that you should be over it by now. But if you're still struggling with the effects of your past, your experiences deserve to be taken seriously. You don't have to be certain that what you experienced was trauma or abuse to seek support. You don't have to label your experiences as trauma or have all the answers before reaching out for support. In therapy, we can explore how your past may be affecting your life today and make sense of what you are experiencing.
When you experience trauma, your brain and nervous system may adapt to help you survive what happened. Even long after the experience has ended, your brain may continue to respond as though you are in danger, making it difficult to relax, trust others, or feel safe. Trauma can affect how your brain processes emotions, recognizes threats, and responds to stress. You may find yourself overthinking, feeling constantly on edge, becoming overwhelmed by certain situations, or reacting strongly to things that remind you of the past. The good news is that these responses can change. With trauma therapy, you can begin to understand your reactions, develop coping skills to manage difficult emotions, and learn ways to feel more grounded and safe in the present.
Yes. Childhood trauma can continue to affect how you see yourself, manage emotions, and navigate relationships well into adulthood. You may struggle with negative self-talk, low self-esteem, anxiety, difficulty trusting others, or patterns in relationships that leave you feeling hurt or disconnected. Even when you understand that your childhood experiences were difficult, you may still find yourself reacting in ways you don't fully understand. Trauma therapy can help you recognize how childhood experiences may be influencing your thoughts, emotions, and behaviours in present day.
Have more questions? Learn about trauma therapy with Heidi.